6 Practical Tips for Letting Love into Your Life
Many people say they're looking for love or a romantic relationship. But their actions don't match their intentions. They sit at home in their pajamas eating bon-bons waiting for Prince Charming to come to their door. Each day they spend hiding inside, the opportunity to connect with someone wonderful in the real world slips by.
To my loving friends who have so much to give their partner-to-be, I would like to offer these very practical tips for letting love into your life.
1) Prioritize love. Set aside one or two nights per week for dating. Dates won't just magically cram themselves into your 20 minute lunch break at work. When I started a new pilates job, my schedule had my first client starting at 7AM and my last ending around 11PM. My schedule made it impossible for potentially cool people to get to know me. I'm not saying you have to change your career, just recognize that if you truly want to date, you have to make room for it.
2) Let go of "there are no good men." For those of us who live in NYC, this is a common trap. Never mind that the city is home to about 8 million people. A discouraged single friend once said to me that half of that 8 million was gay, half of the remaining was married and the rest were too old or too young or otherwise unsuitable. Well, that's just gruesome. Let go of that belief now because you know who you'll attract with that thinking? "No good men."
3) To attract love, be loving - with everyone. I love this tip. It's one that I started to practice when I finally decided I was ready for a healthy relationship. So you say you want to be in a relationship. Being in a relationship is a skill, right? You have to know how to be consistently loving, kind, patient, responsible - all those things that can fly out the window if you're in bad mood, someone cuts you off, or your boss gives you some rough feedback. Well, like any other skill you want to be good at, being in a relationship requires practice. So practice. Smile and be kind to everyone: that new co-worker, the Duane Reade cashier, the Con Ed guy that comes to read your meter. Connect with people and share your positive energy because ultimately you'll be doing that with your relationship partner.
4) Broadcast your availability. There's no shame in being single, whatever your age. If you are positive, enthusiastic and realistic about what you are willing to offer in a relationship, tell everyone you know that you are on the market. Give your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors the chance to keep an eye out for you and be open to their introductions. Regardless of the outcome, be very appreciative of the introductions your friends make on your behalf!
Years ago an old roommate set me up with her co-worker. She really talked him up and said we'd be a great fit. So we made a date to meet at a downtown cafe. I was the first to arrive and since we were in Soho, all these gorgeous, model-looking guys kept walking by. I would get hopeful, and then they would pass. Finally my date arrived. He was shorter than me (I'm 5'3") and had just come back from vacation - with his mom. (Hey, I was in my early 20's: my criteria for guys was relatively shallow and my aversion to mama's boys was high.) It definitely wasn't a love connection but at least I was getting out there and learning about who might be a good fit for me.
5) Date online. Unless you are still in at the age where you're out at a bar or party every night, it can be difficult to just get out there and meet people. You might have more responsibility at work and have less time to "hang out" at the local laundry hoping your prince or princess will come through the door. So date online. It is a great way to meet people and most importantly, it is a great way to practice the art of dating.
Release any expectations of finding "the one." Date to practice how to present yourself to a potential partner. Date to practice how to get to know your partner so that when "the one" shows up, you guys can easily connect and share your authentic selves.
6) Know what you want and be willing to let go of it. Having a general sense of what is important to you is helpful. If you want a college graduate who has a good relationship with his family and wants kids, great. If you are looking for an Episcopalian lawyer who goes to church weekly, loves Great Danes, practices yoga two times a week, is vegan, has naturally red hair and loves to paint, recognize that clinging on to that picture is going to greatly limit your options. Have standards but keep your criteria broad enough that actual people can meet them.